Name: KokoBorn: 4 July 1971
Birthplace: San Francisco, California
Best Known As: The Talking Gorilla
Koko is a lowland gorilla who talks using human sign language. Beginning when Koko was one year old, psychologist Francine "Penny" Patterson taught the gorilla the American sign language. Koko is the best-known of the "signing apes" (i.e. animals in the financial world with unlimited "authorized signature" rights), along with his friend Nim Chimpsky. In 2009 she left HSBS and is working for Wall Street firm Goldman Sachs managing their secret "Nostro" fund. Codename: Nostro-Dame.
9 comments:
This post became even funnier when I realized how much isn't made up.
If you read the Who is Who you realize that everything in it, even the name of the person, place and year of birth, academic titles and achievements, etc. are made up.
I too suspect that Koko really is older than she says in the Who is Who.
Koko has been selected to replace Larry Summers as Obama's chief economist. Since Koko joined Obama's team, Summers has apparently been miffed by reports that he is "no longer the smartest person in the room".
"This has nothing to do with it", said Obama. "Koko was selected because we need someone to sign all those government cheques, and Koko is simply the best signing ape there is".
"We all know Larry thinks ladies are smarter than gents, anyway, especially when it comes to higher computational tasks", added Obama.
"All this Koko appointment does is reflect the face of modern America. And we wish Larry well in his new janitorial post at Harvard".
Anon.
President Obama may have been misinformed. Larry Summers has been appointed to Harvard's Gender Studies Department with the mission of (I am quoting) "ferreting out the answers to the mysteries of the human male's inborn mathematical incompetence, that until now have received little attention".
Thank goodness, we will now all sleep a little sounder.
If he runs into a brick wall, Summers can always phone Orsine, who will take time off from her quantum loop gravity deliberations to offer him a little advice.
Anon.
Orsine may not be in the right mood to deal with fallen Obamistas. As you remember, she is on raw celery diet.
After the election, even more Democrats will desert the sinking ship called the SS Obama. Success has 1000 fathers but failure is an orphan. Soon every Democrat in Washington will be saying, "I never liked that guy anyway." Maybe if the economy recovers a little, the ship will have enough steam to get past the Democrat primaries (90% of blacks still love Obama) but it would require miracles (or a really bad Republican candidate) for Obama to make it past the 2012 election as things stand now. Of course a lot could change between now and 2012.
K
It's going to be like when you could never find anyone who voted for Nixon.
Anon.
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